If you're looking for someone for a person you love

Most people who contact me about coaching are not the person who would be coached. If that is you, here is the honest version before you spend anything.

They have to want the conversation

This is the part worth saying first, because it decides whether the rest is worth reading. Coaching arranged over someone's head does not go anywhere. I cannot talk someone into recovery, and I would be lying to you if I implied otherwise — you have probably already met people willing to imply it.

What does sometimes work: they agree to one conversation, with no commitment past it, and decide for themselves afterwards. That is the most anyone can honestly offer you.

I will not report back to you

If you are paying, you are paying for them to have someone — not for information about them. What they say to me stays with them. If that is not what you were hoping for, I would rather you know now than find out later, and it is worth saying plainly that a coach who would report back is not one worth hiring for them.

The limits are the same as for anyone: if I believe someone is in immediate danger I will act on that, and I will report anything the law requires me to.

What I can actually offer

• A regular conversation with someone who has been through it themselves
• Somewhere to take the week that is not their family
• Accountability they agreed to, which is the only kind that does anything
• An honest read on whether what they need is something other than me

What about you?

Families tend to arrive having spent everything they had on somebody else. Whatever happens with your person, your own support is not a luxury and not a distraction from theirs. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are free, exist almost everywhere, and are specifically for you rather than for them. Your own therapist, if you have one, is worth telling.

If you are the one in crisis — and supporters often are — the numbers below are yours to use too.

A first conversation

You are welcome to reach out yourself to talk it through before involving them. That conversation is free and commits you to nothing. Get in touch →